I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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