You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize