So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
