I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
