if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you have to choose: penises or morals?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
