Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
