so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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