this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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