I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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