she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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