at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
