Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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