Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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