Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
