I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
