He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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