i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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