Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
