I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
