dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
