i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you had me at cake vodka
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
