The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
