I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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