i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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