just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
