just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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