So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
