I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
