dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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