Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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