He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
