chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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