she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize