do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
