3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
