I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
