ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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