Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize