I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
