I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
