how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
