In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
