From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
