Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
