True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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