I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
