Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
