I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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