Welp...herpes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
