so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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