I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
