:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
