One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
