turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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