its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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