Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
