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Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
