Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
