i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
