Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
