There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
