"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Please don't give away my fajitas
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
