She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
