I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize