Don't you send me to vm
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
