Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
