Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
