If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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