drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had to cum in my sink.
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