Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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