The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
