the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
