No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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