Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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