I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
