Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize