is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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