Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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