Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
