Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
