I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
