Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
