I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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