My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
