If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize