I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
