So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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