Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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