I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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