It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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