Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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