I can text with my tongue
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
