Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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