So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
