He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
