and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
is it fun? or sober?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
