Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize