I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
