Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
