Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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