I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
