i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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