Just cropdusted the office
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
