It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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