Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize