You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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