Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
