On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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