I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
