Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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