Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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