Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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