I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
