honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
