I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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