just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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