I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
