Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
