i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Randomize
