I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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