I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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