My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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